i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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