3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
