I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
