She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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