yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
