a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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