I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
