Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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