That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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