Got a toothbrush?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
