I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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