She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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