but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
