ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
