i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I love you. Go after that dick
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