The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
