mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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