I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
