whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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