1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
