Fine. I'll sleep in my office
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
