Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
