I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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