Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
