Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
