What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Im part way to drunk.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
