i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
