Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
