my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
