its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
