9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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