I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
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He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize