therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
