Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Drunk is a universal language darling
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
