if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
