I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
