I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
