walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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