Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
