I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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