I just threw up on my dentist
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
