well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
