come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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