I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
