A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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