my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
