I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
