I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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