I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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