I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I need to stop coming to work sober
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
