I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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