My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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