I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
