You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I love black thongs
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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