He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
