How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
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As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
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The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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