you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
