We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
