I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The beer is more important than you right now.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Did I show you my penis last night?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
send nudes
from the living room?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
