She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize