so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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