Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
