He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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