Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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