Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
