I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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