well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
