I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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