I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
