you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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