I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
