I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
