It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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