Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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