i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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