Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
