Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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